I’m a jeans girl. My daily life doesn’t require me to dress up. I’m home most days, all day, caring for and educating my brood. I’m not a yoga pants girl. They feel just like pajamas, which inevitably leads me down a path of non-productivity. Jeans make me feel somewhat put together, and ready to take on the day.
They’re also very versatile. Different styles and washes make jeans appropriate for nearly every event short of a wedding. I love jeans.
I hate jeans. Shopping for them, that is. That versatility means too many choices. I rarely go shopping until I get to the point of desperation….either shop, or risk looking like a hobo. The plethora of styles and hues, combined with the fact that I usually don’t know what size I am and have to grab two different sizes of each possible choice, means that I stumble into the fitting room with 50 lbs. of denim piled in my arms. I pity the poor salesgirl who waves her little numbered door hanger at me and tries to make me take multiple trips in and out of the fitting room. Right.
Then the endless cycle of: pull jeans on, zip and button, stand straight, turn, look at my butt, sit down to check how much flab hangs over the waist, squat down to check for unwanted rear cleavage, stare at my reflection, sigh and say, “I don’t know,” take jeans off. Repeat. Forty times.
A great pair of jeans is the wardrobe pinnacle we all aspire to acquire. What stands in the way of getting it right? For me, it’s two main features.
1) I’m short. Not Munchkinland short, but short enough that my husband frequently insinuates that I must have shrunk in the last day or so, as looks down on me with a smirk. At 5’2″, I fit the definition of “petite,” but somehow petite jeans just do not fit right. If I can find a brand that offers different lengths (Short, Average, and Long), the Shorts are perfect for flip-flops or sneakers, and the Averages work for heels.
2) I have a booty. I’m bootylicious. I’m Sir Mix-a-Lot’s type. 😉 Even when I’m thinner, I have that butt going on, which means that buying jeans to fit my rear end leaves me with a big gap at the waist. So, belts, yes. But can I please have some jeans that just fit? In recent years, some brands have started making “curvy” jeans, that allow for ample backsides. But as I said before, I hardly ever shop these days, so I have no idea where to find these magic jeans.
It’s almost back to jeans weather here in the Northeast. (YES!) Currently, I have two pairs of jeans that fit. One has a HUGE waist-gap problem, which is unflattering even with a belt. The other has several holes in the inner-thigh seam, which is bordering on obscene.
Jeans shopping is definitely in my immediate future. Let’s all take a moment to pray for my sanity and success. 😉