To borrow a line from Pink, “not broken, just bent.” I prayed that this was true about my body. That I wasn’t really broken, and that there was some way to make my body work again. Yeah, I talked to Jesus about my weight. I’m still talking to Him about it because, I’m sorry folks, but this story doesn’t have a happy ending. Not yet. More on that later.
There was a voice in my head saying, “You know, you’ve had eight kids. You’re getting older. You could just accept that this is your new body, and rest. It’s not THAT bad.” I fought that voice with all of my strength, put my fingers in my ears and used the “lalalalalalala” method to drown it out. I wasn’t ready to give up.
It wasn’t vanity that drove me forward. Well, yeah, it was, a little bit. Who doesn’t want to look good? Who doesn’t want to turn a few heads now and then? There was some of that. But honestly, I mostly just wanted to feel like me. I think I have a pretty realistic expectation of what a body after childbearing can look like. I have no issues with the stretch marks that cover me from knees to ribcage. But 30 lbs. of excess fat makes me not recognize myself in pictures. It makes me feel like I have a tumor around my middle, that gets in the way of moving how I want to move. It makes buying clothes so incredibly hard.
So I didn’t give up. I bought some Green Coffee Bean Extract. Dr. Oz gave it rave reviews for boosting metabolism, and I researched it fully. It was clear that it didn’t work for everyone, but I had faith. After a month, nothing had changed. I posted something sarcastic and whiny on Facebook about 34 being the age when healthy habits make you gain weight. My sister messaged me that Dr. Oz was interviewing a nutritionist about “fast metabolism.” We had recently given up cable tv, so a couple of days later, I watched the interview online.
Haylie Pomroy, author of “The Fast Metabolism Diet,” gave me hope. Everything she said rang true….that years of cutting my caloric intake, and my extreme fluctuations in weight, had shut down my metabolism. From a random post on her message board, I hooked up with some ladies who were forming a Facebook group to try and start the diet before the book even came out. We were all thrilled when one of Haylie’s employees joined our group, and gave us the inside scoop on the details of the diet. She did this with Haylie’s blessing. It felt like a miracle.
What I learned could fill, well, a book. But it all boiled down to eating LOTS of quality food, on specific days (phases), to heal my metabolism. No wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no caffeine, no corn, no honey. It sounds like torture, I know, but in 28 days, I would be me again! Long story short, I did three cycles (months) of the diet, with very few “cheats.” I lost a total of 15 lbs., but I had stalled for the last few weeks, and the extreme nature of the diet was starting to make me feel a little looney. I decided to stop “phasing” and just concentrate on eating well. I pretty immediately started putting the weight back on.
I began working out 4-5 days a week. The FMD plan is very light on working out, so this was something I hadn’t done in a while. That was six weeks ago. And while I’ve learned that I actually kind of love 5:30 a.m., I have not lost a pound. In fact, I have gained a few pounds. I am closing in on where I was before the FMD. How I feel about that, well, it’s beyond words.
Now I’m going to get spiritual on you. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to save me. He bore not only all sins, but all sickness, all disease, on His God-man body. My body is sick. I don’t know what specifically is going on, but it is not working the way that He created it to. I am doing my best to take good care of this body He’s given me, but I’m still unhealthy. So I am claiming my miracle. By His stripes, I am healed.
Today I began a new workout, called Focus T 25. It’s more concentrated, more challenging, and I hope it will be that jump-start I so desperately need. I will keep you updated on my progress as I go along. In the mean time, I have my life to live, outside of losing weight, and I will try my hardest to not let my obsession crowd out all the good things God has given me.