After baring my soul a bit in previous posts (Broken – Part 1 and Part 2), I promised to post an update on my weight-loss journey. I never imagined myself on a journey quite like this: one with no end in sight, when before it was just a quick jaunt to success. But I’m on it, nonetheless.
I’ve completed almost three weeks of Focus T25. The workouts are 25 minutes long (30 with the cool down), and very intense. I’m loving it. What I was doing before was basically just cardio, with a little strength training built in. No agility or endurance training. With T25, I am challenged to actually become more athletic. There are moves that I can’t even do yet. (Writing that sentence immediately conjured up Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”…..”I’ve got moooves you’ve never seen.” Haha……I digress.) For at least half of the workouts, I’m using the modifications that are included. But I’m excited about that, because I have so much room to grow, and I know I won’t get bored of it quickly.
I knew after the first week that T25 wasn’t the solution for my weight-loss woes. Not yet, at least. I stopped weighing myself altogether, but I most assuredly have not lost a single pound. I can’t say that I’m surprised; I had allowed myself to hope, though, so I’m marginally disappointed.
I had a great pow-wow with a wise woman I know…..her name is Mom. 🙂 She reminded me that my body has been through the wringer. Eight pregnancies in 12 years. Breastfeeding for most of the last 14 years. All of which is undeniably a huge blessing from God, that I would not give back even if I my body remains broken forever. But my hormones have been on a colossal roller coaster. Something is surely out of whack.
So I put in a call to my friendly family physician….actually, to his wife, which is a surer way of getting a hold of him. I’m now waiting on a referral to an endocrinologist. This is a situation where I’m hoping that something is wrong with me. You know, like at the final Tribal Council of “Survivor,” when Jeff Probst says, “This time you want to see your name.” I already know I’m broken. But the cause of it is, as of yet, undefined. It needs a name, and a remedy.
I’m also hoping that all of this work I’m doing…..this hard, sweaty, painful work of building muscle and increasing my endurance……will not be in vain. When whatever is wrong with me is fixed, perhaps this work I’ve done will facilitate a quicker healing. A quicker return to my real self.
In any case, I continue with my efforts to not obsess over any numerical measurement of my worth. Pant size, a number on the scale, pounds to lose. What are they? My God has got this.